FaZizzle

This is an assignment I have for a job, and I either impress them and get it or I don't and forgo the job. No pressure. I have write a newsletter article about myself as their new employee, and this is the closing paragraph:"Having recently come to the <> metro area from a small town in south central <>, <NAME> is also bringing with her the values, friendly outlook and hardworking nature often associated with small towns. During an internship with <business>, she proved her dedicated and dependable nature by raising over $700 in prize donations for the 2006 <Company> Run, including four “Day Hopper” passes to Walt Disney World and two round-trip tickets aboard SouthWest Airlines. We are excited to see her join our communications team and are anticipating great things to come from her."

ShannonB

There really wasn't anything wrong with what you wrote. You might take a look at the following for ideas to tighten it up a bit.<NAME> recently moved to <city> from a small town in south central <>. She brings with her the strong values, friendliness and solid work ethic often associated with individuals who grow up in a small community. During an internship with <business>, she proved her dedication and dependability by raising more than $700 in prize donations for the 2006 <Company> Run, including four Walt Disney World “Day Hopper” passes and two SouthWest Airlines round-trip tickets. We are excited to see <NAME> join our communications team and anticipate great things to come from her.